The Preservation of Man

The horse and mule live thirty years
And nothing know of wines and beers

The goat and sheep at twenty die
With never a taste of scotch or rye

The cow drinks water by the ton
And at eighteen it’s mostly done

The pig on skim will fatten fast
But all too soon will cease to gasp

The dog at sixteen crashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin

The cat in milk and water soaks
And then in twelve short years it croaks

The modest, sober, bone dry hen
Lays eggs for noggs, them dies at ten.

All animals then are strictly dry
they sinless live and swiftly die
But sinful, ginful, rumsoaked men
Survive for three score years and ten
And some of us, the might few
Stay pickled til we’re ninety- two
But if throughout your life you’ve been
A real farm cider drinker keen
You’ll beat the rest of them with ease
And clock the hundred-on your knees!

Anon/JSP (English Farm Ciders)